Low Desire

Low Desire

A lack of sex drive or discrepancy in desire can be very frustrating, anxiety-producing, or saddening. Low desire is one of the most common reasons people contact a sex therapist for help. Sometimes both partners feel shame in these situations even though neither person is doing anything shameful. When working with a couple, Beth focuses first on the positive aspects of the individuals and the couple so that the path forward can be based in joy and an attitude of “we can support one another and handle this as a team.”

Beth offers clients a semi-structured program that contains the following elements:

  • Psychoeducation on sexual anatomy, physiology, sexual response cycle, and use of sexual aids
  • Mindfulness-based sensual touching strategies of self and partner, supplemented by EMDR or other trauma-focused approaches as appropriate, to decrease anxiety surrounding sexual touch
  • Specific strategies customized for the individual or couple that increase sensuality
  • Treatment options to reduce pain if pain is present. A medical evaluation is typically recommended if pain is present.
  • Strategies to improve body image
  • Tools that take into account the individual or couple’s busy schedules
  • Enhancement of respect and nurturing for self and partner
  • A two-pronged approach that focuses on both intimacy and eroticism
  • Support for the higher-desire partner, because both partners benefit from working together as a team

Beth specializes in identifying and treating the reasons the issue of low desire has developed. Some of the most common reasons include:

  • Hormonal or other medical changes
  • Decrease in attraction for partner
  • Past abuse or trauma
  • Financial stress
  • Fatigue/exhaustion or “no headspace” to think about being sexual
  • No longer relating to self as a sensual being
  • Consistently large difference in sex drive between partners
  • Couple or relationship issues such as resentments

Beth can work with couples to address other couple issues that may be affecting the quality of the relationship. Lastly, although a discrepancy in desire for couples can be very challenging, it is important to also acknowledge the holistic nature of intimate relationships and promote the foundational aspects such as respect, joy, and team-work. If medical reasons need to be addressed, Beth can provide medical referral options and coordinate with the other specialists.